Do you know how it feels to be bullied, pressured ,cajoled to believe its all your fault

Do you know how it feels to give care, love, sincerity  but recieve deceit , and spitefulness in return.

Do you know how it feels to be told your worthless and stupid every day

Do you know how it feels to look into the mirror and be ashamed of your own skin

Do you know how it feels to lose yourself so fully , hate yourself completely that you can no longer stand to be looked in the eye.

Do you know how it feels to carry various methods of suicide around in a bag planning the where and how , then waking up in a hospital realising that you were just to dumb even to do that right

Do you know how it feels to see your child look at you in tearful fear and ask “Daddy why are you crying”?

Do you know how it feels to live in a world of 7.5 billion people yet to be made to feel so alone.

Do you know how it feels .. WELL DO YOU ?

No you dont know how it feels because you were the abuser from the start to the end and even now , I hope ….. that you never have to find out how it feels because as much abuse pain and misery as you caused me , i would’nt wish it on another soul.

I hope as well that in some corner of your mind that you realise what you did to me was wrong , i may  forgive your hatred of me but will never forget the vileness of your words

So my beautiful abuser  Do you know how it feels to survive , rebuild your mind ,your life , no you dont.